I think I'm a fairly independent woman. I definitely want my boyfriend to make me chicken soup when I'm plugged up with a cold. However, that doesn't mean I want him to pay my rent for me.
That said, I've also found myself in a relationship where we ended up having joint finances before we even sat down to think about it. He had lost his job and it just seemed like the loving and logical thing to help him out until he found something else. Other times couples go through the "you pay for this and I'll pay you back" so often that the balance sheet becomes a bit blurry. And before you know it you're sharing a bank account.
I'm not saying this is always a terrible thing. Some couples are blissfully communally minded and never have to deal with issues of entitlement, mistrust, co-dependence sickness, or any of that. But if you're human like the rest of us, it's typically a really good idea to give your relationship the insurance policy it deserves (I mean, how lame is it to have your love taken down by money. Ick.) and follow these rules for financial harmony:
Take stock of your spending
There are lots of ways to spend your money, and we often do so without really understanding where the money goes. Start by having each of you make a list. Do this separately. Include all your regular expenses like rent or mortgage payments, heat, hydro, your car, and insurance premiums.
Include what you would spend in a month on things like shopping and going out (movies, entertainment, drink etc.). Don't forget to add in one of a kind purchases like season's tickets to your favorite basketball team or that new mountain bike you've had your eye on.
Take away the taboo
Money is one of those things that need to be talked about. Avoiding the issue will only increase the stress associated with it. So get over it already; this is simply too important for you to bury your head in the sand.
By talking about money frequently, openly, and without immense worry and pressure hanging over the conversation, it can just be something you two talk about, rather than something you perpetually dread talking about.
Compare lists
When you've made the decision to set up housekeeping together you need to go over the list of expenses you each made. Decide which ones are joint expenses (that would be things like rent and utilities) and which ones are individual, or personal, expenses (shoes and clothing). It's more difficult than it sounds and some of the expenses on each of your lists will bear discussing. Is his beer club membership a shared expense, or a personal one?
Start afresh
With a bank account built for two (ie a joint account). This is what you'll use to pay the joint expenses and save for things you both want, like vacations. No matter how lovey dovey your relationship you should always have your own bank account as well. Use it for things like personal items, presents for your honey, donating to charities your partner doesn't care about, or, worst case scenario, getting out of Dodge if things go sour. - 32510
That said, I've also found myself in a relationship where we ended up having joint finances before we even sat down to think about it. He had lost his job and it just seemed like the loving and logical thing to help him out until he found something else. Other times couples go through the "you pay for this and I'll pay you back" so often that the balance sheet becomes a bit blurry. And before you know it you're sharing a bank account.
I'm not saying this is always a terrible thing. Some couples are blissfully communally minded and never have to deal with issues of entitlement, mistrust, co-dependence sickness, or any of that. But if you're human like the rest of us, it's typically a really good idea to give your relationship the insurance policy it deserves (I mean, how lame is it to have your love taken down by money. Ick.) and follow these rules for financial harmony:
Take stock of your spending
There are lots of ways to spend your money, and we often do so without really understanding where the money goes. Start by having each of you make a list. Do this separately. Include all your regular expenses like rent or mortgage payments, heat, hydro, your car, and insurance premiums.
Include what you would spend in a month on things like shopping and going out (movies, entertainment, drink etc.). Don't forget to add in one of a kind purchases like season's tickets to your favorite basketball team or that new mountain bike you've had your eye on.
Take away the taboo
Money is one of those things that need to be talked about. Avoiding the issue will only increase the stress associated with it. So get over it already; this is simply too important for you to bury your head in the sand.
By talking about money frequently, openly, and without immense worry and pressure hanging over the conversation, it can just be something you two talk about, rather than something you perpetually dread talking about.
Compare lists
When you've made the decision to set up housekeeping together you need to go over the list of expenses you each made. Decide which ones are joint expenses (that would be things like rent and utilities) and which ones are individual, or personal, expenses (shoes and clothing). It's more difficult than it sounds and some of the expenses on each of your lists will bear discussing. Is his beer club membership a shared expense, or a personal one?
Start afresh
With a bank account built for two (ie a joint account). This is what you'll use to pay the joint expenses and save for things you both want, like vacations. No matter how lovey dovey your relationship you should always have your own bank account as well. Use it for things like personal items, presents for your honey, donating to charities your partner doesn't care about, or, worst case scenario, getting out of Dodge if things go sour. - 32510
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